Blog THIS!

To many things to choose from....that seems to be my main problem now. All I try to write ends up crappy. Ok, it ends up MORE crappy then usual. Why is it that there are so many things in the universe that vie for my attention??

I even resorted to just placing an article someone sent me a few days ago and now I'm resorting to blogging in the traditional and boring sense. Noone cares about my lack of inspiration, least of all me! Blogging sucks!

Blogs are only useful when you're in Ghana or some other ridiculously far off and pathetic country and you're letting your friends and family know what the hell is going on. All other blogs are utterly messageless, meaningless and only serve to show the world how many complete losers there exist.  (and there are many, mind you)

Most blogs are about what pathetic little things happened to the writer that day. Things that only have relevance or meaning to the writer and are completely meaningless for the rest of us. They are sometimes difficult to avoid however as a big giant star appears next to their MSN names and you have the urge to click it.... CLIIIIIICK IIIIIT!  Damn, we're a horribly primitive and manipulable species, aren't we?

Please make this kind of blogging stop.....nobody cares about what time you got out from bed!  Nobody cares that school sucked today! Nobody cares that you have a new pet! Quit wasting valuable space on the internet and go stuff a pillow in your face instead! Quit blogging!

Professional blogging is even worse. These people think they are gonna be the next newsmen of the world and write so much rubbish that its approaching biblical proportions now. Once again, nobody cares but we all read it as we've apparently fallen under their spell.

I propose the following alternative for the use of professional bloggers. Rather then read the endless stream of dribble we can have some actual genuine fun with them!


The flying Dutchman's list of things to do with a professional blogger:

-Use to cushion people jumping from burning buildings

-Use to cushion collapsing buildings

-Cut out his/her heart with a spoon! (yes a spoon, its blunt, that will hurt more)

-Drive over them with one of those mega trucks that are always on national geographic

-Launch at the white house with a cannon

-Launch the white house at them with a cannon (slightly bigger then usual cannon)

-Reenact the battle of Hastings with them performing the role of the battlefield

-Use as goal poles and give extra points for hitting the poles.

-Have a good old fashioned flogging. (floggings are way to rare these days)

-Use as beeropener (not exactly sure how, mail me with suggestions...)

-Break wine bottles on them. Nobody needs wine anyway.

-Send to negotiate with the Taliban

-Send to negotiate with a tribe of angry baboons

-Send to negotiate with the ass raping eye eating arm-off ripping tree gorillas of south Gutswana

-Bring in geo-synchronous orbit and watch intestines explode

-Put them on a banner and send them to the troops in Iraq for comic relief.

-Obliterate a small village with them (Dunno how yet, maybe just drop them from bombers)

-Make them watch animal planet (if you're really feeling cruel...)


I guess they do have their uses.... at least sometimes they can provide us with some entertainment. Sometimes.


Professional blogging sucks!


Back to the world of rules and sucks

If I see one ROFL or LOL in an e-mail I will explode. Seriously....