The duke

Do you remember Duke Nukem? And by that I mean, were you old enough to play Duke Nukem when it came out and was there never any parental supervision on you playing the game?

If yes, excellent!  If not, go away.

The Duke Nukem I'm talking about is of course the 3D version, the only one really worth playing. I'm sure that parts 1 and 2 had their merit, somewhere, but I just don't care. Platform games never really did the trick if there are aliens out there in need of a good rocket-in-the-face treatment.



Duke Nukem 3D! One of the earliest shooters that actually had brutal violence and full frontal nudity. It combined the adrenaline rush of shooting missiles at airborne targets with the simple fun of watching a stripper do her job, with passion.  It was good, it was magnificent and it was offensive to society! What more could we possibly ask for?

And it wasn't easy either. While any moron could blast his way through the first levels, eventually resistance got fierce and the enemies kept getting bigger and badder. From that mini gun toting giant to that toad in the space level (the one you used as a toilet after he was dead), this game had some of the biggest enemies yet seen. And it wasn't just about shooting them either. You had to do some serious running and avoiding and ducking-behind-the-freaking-cover to do because you were far from invincible. This game was based on gameplay, not graphics and it was addictive as hell. I don't know what stupid idiot ever said that addicitions have an incubation time cause mine kicked in straight away. I tried not going to school in order to play this game. That didn't work. You cannot imagine the hours I spend at school desperately wanting to shoot some more aliens. Now there's a good game.

Actually, come to think of it, the graphics weren't all that bad. Especially for the time. Take a look at this:


This is 1996 we're talking about! Thats a decade ago! Sure, things nowadays look a lot better but does anyone really care that you can count the rust particles on a wall and see the hair of your enemy flow naturally? If it goes on expense of the gameplay then I say no. Don't pick fancy visuals over playing fun, ever.

Anyway, lets cut to the ending. After you had blasted your way through 3 chapters and killed hundreds if not thousands of bad guys you stepped on an elevator and moved to that one-eyed freak in the stadium. As far as bosses go, this was one mean character.

Don't remember how he looks? Sure you do!

 Yes, you ran away. Admit it. This thing surely obliterated every player at least a few times before you knew how to fight him. He blasted so many rockets at you it was almost unreasonable! Then you figured out that the key was to keep moving and eventually kicked his ass. A memorable battle if ever I saw one in a game. That ending sequence where Duke kicked the alien head through the ring was funny as hell, as was the implicit sex that followed during the credits. Sex sounds as the credits roll by?? Amazing! A great ending to a great game.

A new Duke game has been in the making for years but everyone doubts it will ever come. I'd play it though. I'd pre order it and spend a night in front of the game store if that's what was necessary. All to have a simular experience as I had with Duke Nukem 3D.


Duke Nukem rules!


Back to the world of rules and sucks