On the subject of wine

Someone recently read my article on alcoholic rules and asked me what I thought of wine. As the time I told him to just 'follow the rules' and he'd be fine. He informed me that he didn't care and would drink wine anyway but I think that its far more likely that he quickly ran off and bought himself a crate of beer to wash away his sins.

Its ok, I forgive you your ignorance. Just this once.

Because I'm not a fan of wine people tend to assume I nothing of it. However, I actually do know a lot more about wine then most people. Or, more accurately, I can pretend to know a whole lot more about wine then most people. This is a little side effect from dealing with customers in the supermarket for 4 years and my experience as a teacher so far. You learn to lie very proficiently very quickly and, most importantly, you learn to talk about any subject for any length of time. There are times when this comes in incredibly handy, especially when you're forced to talk with someone you dislike (most customers I've met). Just smile and talk and eventually they'l buy and go away.

Anyway, wine is divided in two categories. Cheap shit and expensive crap.

The cheap shit is usually denoted with just one star and is called 'simple wine' in most supermarkets. This is rubbish. What they actually mean is 'nigh undrinkable donkey urine' It even says on many bottles and packs (Yes, wine also comes in packs. The horror....) that you're dealing with a 'wine flavoured drink'. What the hell? Wine flavoured? To me thats like driving on a dirt road with painted road markings on them to indicate that you're on a 'road flavoured dirt path' Its bullshit, its nonsense and the only reason people drink this is because its cheap as hell and you drunk of it. Well, if getting drunk of ridiculously sour DONKEY URINE is your thing, glory to you.

Expensive crap represents the other side of the spectrum. Its made of actual grapes and gets the highest number of stars in any supermarket. It also costs a lot more then its worth. We're talking 20 to 25 euro's (30 or more dollars) for a single bottle and you still aren't rid of that characteristic sour or overly sweet winey taste. It sucks almost as much as the cheap shit.

Anyway, should you ever find yourself in Gemert and are willing to venture a voyage in the wondrous world of wine then look for this guy:

He's awaiting your order.



Wine sucks!


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