Alternate religion

Technically I'm christian but that religion isn't really cutting it anymore these days. We're made to believe that we're under siege from angry hordes of Muslims, our own people are getting nuttier and nuttier and we're even resorting to voting for lame vaguely democratic parties who don't even promote praying in class! (damn you D66!) This all means that Christianity is doomed anyway so why bother being part of it any more especially when there are such glorious alternatives to consider!

What are the alternative religions out there? Lets have a little overview of the major religions I know about.


1. There's the Indian pantheon. This bunch of gods has scared the pants of the gullible people for many centuries with their eliphant heads, multiple arms and spectacular names like 'the destroyer.' This is one badass pantheon and worthy of reverance but the fact that its only popular in India shows its shortcomings. Also, its a bit to 'Harry Potter' for my taste.

2. Buddhism is pacifist which kinda sucks and it has proven that  its no match for communism in Tibet. Good going, suckers.

3. Islam. Its the 5 prayers a day that make this religion a bitch. Nobody can be expected to pray 5 times a day and like it, can they? Add to that their annoying habbit of making a man  scream his lungs out using speakers off every Mosque and you quickly find that the followers of Muhammed have a serious screw loose.. They also have a rather aggressive recruiting policy that comes down to 'join us or we eat your soul!' or something like that.......

4. Judeism. The sons of the apparent 'true god' are tenaciously holding on in their little stretch of the world. The Jews have been persecuted for their entire history but never even considered that they might be on the wrong track, even when their land was taken by the Romans and they were scattered across the globe. Gotta give em credit for that but its their culinary policies that turn me off. Yes, lets celebrate our religion and brotherhood by making a list of things not to eat! Not to mention the circumsisions....ugh. I like my skin where it is.

5. Stargate. My current active religion and the undisputed master of all religions out there. Stargate brings back the ancient gods of Eqypt and gives them spacefleets and soldiers with superweapons to do battle. This religion also features the only God that I have met in person.

Bow down before your lord, Peter Williams!!

This modern day God can toss people around with a gesture and has the meanest gaze you'l ever encounter. He says stuff like 'Kree' a lot and has an odd tendency to overdress. He also scoured the universe to find someone pretty enough to be his wife proving he has a deep rooted desire for the perfect sex. 

He just......demands your worship and who are we lowly mortals to deny him?

Williams is your lord. You will obey.

Peter Williams rules!


Back to the world of rules and sucks

You will mail your approval of the new God now. Williams demands it!