The poker diaries

Haven't updated for a while... Better write some stuff before Frank becomes bored and decides to kill me.

So I've been playing poker for all these evenings. Yes, for 4 consecutive evenings I was playing poker. I followed the method that got Phil Helmuth in the world finals 9 times, read his advice carefully and even used a few of his terms. (though I will never say 'Phill's hand' when I pick up a pair of nines. Thats a show or sincere arrogance I can barely comprehend)

Oh for those interested, this is Phil Helmuth:

I haven't made a dime in 4 evenings, barely avoided losing all my money on thursday, lost it all on friday and got my ass kicked again on saturday. Something was obviously amiss.

So what happened?

I blame it on bad luck (naturally, since I still see myself as a great poker player). The enemy got the right cards at the right moment, the highest I got was a three of a kind and a single flush. In 4 evenings I got a single flush. Nothing higher. Ouch.

So in short, it wasn't my fault. All the people I played against were lucky bastards. Not good players. I'd own them all if I had some nice cards. Anyone recognising the sarcasm I'm directing at myself here?

 Anyway, let me focus your attention on the fact that the shopping bags you get at the Goblin suck.

Holy crap! All I did was transport my poker set, the extra chips and my lucky bag of tangerines and the plastic bastard snapped on me! The damn thing couldn't take that??

I'm telling you, if tangerines had been spilled that evening I would have been mighty cranky indeed. Luckily I was still at home and could safely transport the tangerines in an alternative transport. You get breathe easily again.....

let us remember the age old saying and hope this never happens again. 'Do not do unto other tangerines what you would not wish for your own tangerines.'


I've been comparing everyone to animals in poker since I have read Helmuth's book. Its still a fun way to try and understand why people do what they do. Especially the elephant type. Thats just an easy mocking opportunity nobody can afford to miss. Even if they win.

I know three people I'd qualify as elephants now.

I know Robbert, seen here kissing a cardboard cutout of captain Picard.

Plus Bart, seen here screaming hysterically at the ceiling:

And last but not least, there's Geert. Seen here trying to smoke and failing just as miserably as I did:

Where did I get all these maddening pictures of these people? Lets just say that my life got a lot funnier since I bought a cellphone with camera....

Anyway, its a great dream of mine to put these three people at the same table and play poker with them. I've lost to all three of them before so its not like I consider them easy money (especially Robbert who has miraculously managed to beat me twice in a single afternoon) but the sheer comedy factor would be overwhelming for the senses. I just need to lure them all to the same cafe and feed them alcohol at a steady rate.

Hilarity will surely ensue.


In conclusion (there's more but I'm not telling it..) of the poker diaries for this week, I'm gonna continue playing. Don't give a damn if I lose or win as long as the game is good. I can always make more money by painting stuff for other people again. Their lazyness is my gain.


Poker still rules!


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