Wii are the world, Wii are the children

Ok, so I said the Nintendo Wii sucked. I said this while I never laid personal eyes on the contraption or having played it. I guess I just don't like consoles and this one takes console gaming into a whole new dimension of excessive lunacy. A dimension that was previously only gained by Japanese fat kids who tried their luck with dancing on the dance dance revolution machines. Not only has this led to the biggest increase in heart attacks in Japan in years but it also provided us with the most stupid pictures ever taken of a human being. Great job  guys.

The Wii takes it even further, projecting the excesses of the human mind in our very living rooms, in our very neighbourhoods, in OUR VERY SOULS THEMSELVES!!

Take a look at this picture if you don't believe me:

What the hell is going on up there? House wives who think they are orchestra directors while completely neglecting their kids? Dumb faced Japanese people staring blindly into the abyss while wearing red glasses? Terrified European people in the process of being attacked by a Wii controlled and both old and young people who suddenly take up golfing??? What is this world going to? I shudder to think if an intelligent civilisation tries to contact us and finds all the lines busy because people are playing virtual golf!

'Its not a game, its an experience.'. That was the last argument I heard. Well, if (and I say IF) I wanted to take up golfing I'd put on my striped sweater and puffy pants and march my ass to a golf club to do some damn golfing. I'l hit those damn balls so hard they'd never know what hit. That would have been my shoe, mr golfball. Golfballs suck.

Playing the latest Zelda game on the Wii might just because the most ridiculous enterprise ever undertaken on this planet. I'm sure we'l see many pictures of people swinging their virtual swords at their virtual enemies before the millennium is over. Those people are just one step away from buying a latex sword and running around in the forest chasing dressed up orcs and goblins.

Anyway, I'm sure I have a point hidden in here somewhere..... and its that if you want to play a sport then bloody well do so. Don't waste your money on a machine that imitates golf or tennis, just go out and do it. You might actually meet some other human beings if you go out some more.

If there is one reason to play the Wii over the good old PC then I haven't heard it yet. Now if you'l excuse me, I have some more company of heroes to play. Gods, that game rules....


Back to the world of rules and sucks

Just bought a Wii? Let me know the reasons you're sorry...