How to stare into the abyss

Its a lost art. I've mentioned it several times already, but nobody seems to be able to do it properly anymore. A real abyssal stare is a thing of beauty.

First, what is 'staring into the abyss'? The most recent mention of this lost form of wallowing in self pity was in the Grinch with Jim carrey where he had it actually written down in his agenda. Basically, its nothing more but sit down and stare. Thats pretty much it. 'The abyss' is an analogy for the lost time in your life, your utter worthlessness and could represent a real pit that we sometimes want to jump into after we do stupid stuff. Stuff like losing a tooth on a pavement due to excessive alcohol consumption. Damn......that is stupid.

Anyway, how to conduct a proper abyssal stare? Its really quite simple.

                                                                               The Abyssal stare is mankind's oldest way to make other people know they're terminally boring or of showing our utter desinterest in things.

Its easier sitting down but this is by no means required. In fact, any fysical position will do from laying down to standing in line at a roller coaster. This is a prime time to do some serious abyssal staring as you contemplate why the hell you're waiting for an hour to be in a ride for 40 seconds.

The key is to keep your stare focussed on the non-existant abyss. If there is an actual abyss available then so much the better but any non interesting surface will do.

The idea is not to look at something with  interest but with the complete opposite. You don't give a damn and are completely wrapped up in your own thoughts, selfish or otherwise. Feel free to completely ignore other human beings around you as they probably have nothing of any interest to say anyway.

This technique will hopefully remain in use for some time to come as I can genuinely enjoy people performing it. Its good to see that its still by no means requried to be social and responsive all the time and we can still find moments to be locked in our own thought.

I wish you the best of luck in your future abyssal staring. May your gaze never falter.


Abyssal staring rules!


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