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I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:




Certain unmentionable and annoying individuals have brought it to my attention that my last update sucked. He may have had a point in that it consisted of a movie review even shorter then usual and some dribble with only one picture. It wasn't my fault though. I don't blame my poor updating on laziness or lack of inspiration cause I don't really know how to be lazy and I have plenty of stuff I want to write about.

No, instead this time I have chosen to blame my whole lack of updating on Startrek Enterprise and Richard Sharpe.









I can't help myself. Every time I sit behind my computer in what is increasingly becoming more a warehouse of painted warhammer models and history books then it is my bedroom I see the giant pile of stuff I still need to watch and that completely overrides any inspiration I might have for writing anything.

For decades mankind has fought to escape the iron grip of the television demons that are trying to strangle her but we are but week creatures. We are weak and easily tempted especially if you're as quickly enthralled as I am. And both Enterprise and Sharpe know exactly what awesome TV means. It means explosions, Nazi's and killing the French.


Example 1:

It took Enterprise quite a while to get the hang of it all but when they finally did the awesomeness was practically dripping from the screen. I discovered Enterprise quite late and I lament not being able to part in the movement to prevent its cancellation.

Because one moment you're watching just another 'oh crap we've gone back in time again' episode and the next moment you are watching

Nazi time machine!

And then

Nazi Plasma cannon!

And just mere mind boggling minutes later

Stuka dive bombers with plasma cannons!

As I said, I'm easily bedazzled by such displays of fucking up history but they did it well. Enterprise, you rock.


Example 2:

The early episodes of Sharpe are nothing short of epic. Sean bean fights his way across Portugal and Spain, killing the French. Nothing is more amusing to Dutchmen then the onscreen killing of French, with the possible exception of the onscreen killing of Germans. Its in our blood to want to see the French die. I dunno why. Maybe we're still sore with the whole invasion of 1810 thing. Maybe we simply hate their attitude. Maybe we hate the fact that we can't get help if we're on the damn side of the road in France when we don't speak their horrible incomprehensible gibberish language. Whatever it is, we like to see Frenchmen die after 2 relatively slow episodes of Sharpe killing Irish and English traitors he gets back to what he does so well. At Waterloo.

Not only does Sharpe kill an unreasonable amount of French in often quite brutal ways, he reveals his final motive for his entire career of murder. He doesn't do it for the money, nor for the glory. No, Sharpe has murdered his way across Portugal, Spain and into France and Belgium because he wanted to see Napoleon. That's all he wanted.

At Waterloo he gets to see him. And he gets to drive him off. His buddy, Patrick, then announces that that is all he came to see and marches into the opposite direction. Goddamm, that was awesome. And the good news is, more Sharpe movies are being made so we get to see Sean Bean killing yet more people. Maybe Indians or something.


So you see, I can't be blamed for any lack of updating as I'm simply unable to resist the awesomeness of the giant pile of stuff I still have to watch. I'm only human.


Enterprise and Sharpe rule!



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