What's this about?

The Dutch articles









































I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:




I figured it might have been a good idea to learn something about cycling when I was faced with two classmates who kept talking about it incessantly while is at there, drooling like a moron with nothing to say.

I never cared about cycling, finding it a boring lengthy excuse of a pastime apparently only suited to extensive drug users and overly irritating Frenchmen (i.e all of them). But since these classmates, who I consider to be rational and intelligent people found it so fascinating there must be something to it. So, I spent a couple of days to find out what the deal exactly was.

 First, cycling is done by a lot of people. It comes down to riding your bike really fast, wearing ludicrously tight clothes and if youíre American, its cause for the enmity of an entire nation should you become good at it.

Once a year the entire cycling loving legion of lunatics congregate along French roads to watch the pinnacle of the game, the Tour of dicks. Here, mandatory drug tests form the highlight of the entertainment with bets being placed on who will get caught next along the entire continent. Clearly, the gambling industry profits so it canít all be bad.

But what the hell do they do? Iíve ridden a bike before and for as far as Iím concerned its just a way of getting somewhere slightly faster. The invention of the car should have made this damn thing obsolete but for some reason it was decided that people under the age of 18 (at least her in Holland) canít drive giant lumps of metal at speeds of 80 or more kilometers per hour. Tss, spoilsports. And so, the bike endures the ravage of time. And its endurance has taken us to the point where a platoon of bikers clearly engaged in a challenge for who can dress the stupidest is allowed to clog the roads for weeks on end while the important road users, namely CARS are forced to wait it out so the bikers can go on their merry dope fueled way.

Itís arguably the dumbest spectacle I have ever watched and on top of it, it also still strikes me as being almost retardedly boring. Whenever I bike my way somewhere I do it to get there fast, not because I enjoy the practice of biking so much. Naturally there must be people who find the practice itself entertaining and I respect that but to watch someone riding a bike must be akin to watching someone peel potatoes when being timed. That might even be such a bad idea. There are knives involved and a time limit will ensure people will get cut. I'd place a bet on that. I'd place a bet on anything other then cycling. Hell, I could put a camera in my classroom and make better entertainment then this.

The dope affairs are better entertainment then the actual sport. The clothing hurts the eyes. All of this I can simply dismiss as being Ďnot my thingí but what really got under my skin was the mentally handicapped comments I was forced to listen to while watching the groups of colourful retards peddle on to the arbitrary finish line.

Most of Holland apparently hates this man and while I only remember him for one cycling session of the Tour de Moronism I instantly joined them. Gods, this man gets under your skin. I canít even describe how he does it. Its like getting verbal needles pricked into your ears. Like getting an unnecessary vasectomy in your goddamn brain performed by half trained monkeys using nothing but blunt saw files. Overreacting? Probably, but when I feel strongly about it I use the most monkey filled metaphor I can come up with.

 Cycling is the most boring and mind numbing entertainment brought on TV since they started broadcasting golf. The fact that so many people watch it boggles the mind. Next time two classmates discuss cycling I will simply take to more excessive alcohol use to that, with any luck, Iíll pass out. Hell, like me, they chose education for their profession so how intelligent can they really be?


Cycling sucks!


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