I haven't checked my mail in 2 years:
Mundane Monday Misery Makes Me Murderously Mad
Everyone hates Mondays. It’s a fact of life, a law of nature. If you’re one of those disgustingly annoying people who comes cheerful to work after the weekend and you skip around prancing about and claiming you like standing still in traffic then for the love of God, stay away from me.
Mondays are awful. The very name of the day is repellant to me. It has an arrogant smug sense to it. Monday. It should be known as ‘fun’s end day’ or ‘Miseryday’ but that probably wouldn’t fit onto pocket calendars. The very day itself would not have to exist if only the government would listen to my plan and simply abolish it. Make 3 day weekends mandatory and give it a different name. Eliminate Monday altogether. And when we’re at it, somebody kill Garfield. I hate his stupid Monday jokes too. He’s been making them since 1988 and I think we all got the message.
We fucking know
The reasons for hating Mondays are as diverse as they are irrelevant. Its essentially just another day. The reason we hate is because it’s the first of 5 ‘just another day’s’ and that annoys us. Let me give you a very mundane example of a Monday morning which nearly drove me clownpoop insane.
6.15 I woke up from one hell of a fucked up dream. In it I had to make my way to the national railway museum for reasons I don’t understand. Once there, I was told the museum had shut down. I was left in bed with a sense of total incomprehension but also a strange compulsion to visit the national Railway museum…… Maybe it’s a subliminal message from my mind.
7.00 I have to bring my car to get checked today so I have to take a different route. With many traffic lights… I crunch my breakfast thoroughly in anticipation of many torturous minutes of standing still.
7.30 Standing still in traffic
7.45 Still standing
8.20 Finally arriving to leave car at garage
8.30 There it is. My nemesis. My enemy. Standing there. Glaring. Gloating. Anticipating……
8.45 The Renault and me exchange hostilities. I yell at it and it refuses to shift gear properly. Also, more standing still in ludicrously busy traffic.
9.00 The Renault isn’t quick enough to overtake a truck. I spend 15 minutes looking at its back. I yell some more.
9.15 Just in time for school. Kids already waiting for me in classroom telling me I’m late. I respond by yelling some more. Yes, it’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining . I feel good and noooooooone is gonna stop me now. Oh screw it.