The most useless update ever!

Frank told me to update my page.....and he's pretty big so I guess I'l comply. Don't hurt me. Please?

Celebrating my recent lack of inspiration it seemed appropriate to make an article about the art of doing useless stuff, the art so richly explored by the human race in the past.

Of course, useless activities are the object of subjectivity. Everyone sees stuff differently. What is just a useless cloth with ageing paint on it to some is a timeless masterpiece to the other..... Personally I understand that paintings are a way to pass the time when you live in 1623 and there's no such thing as basic cable just yet but COME ON, this is 2006 (nearing 7). Surely there are better things to do but smear coloured paste on a cloth and calling it art? Especially when you consider that most artists only start making money after their death. Call me crazy but that doesn't seem like a business worth while.

Anyway, it seems that everyone has a deep rooted urge to do useless things in their life at least once in a while. I spend my entire afternoon today making fun of Nintendo Wii players while running argumental circles around a guy whose best argument was the ever popular 'its been proven!!'. Eventually he gave up. They always do....

Anyway, hidden under all this idiocy is a point. Yes.  For today's update I give you:


The flying dutchman's list of utterly useless things to do

-Keyboard scrutiny (are all the keys where they are supposed to be?)

-Paperclip counting ( a timeless classic)

-Printer setting changing

-Thinking about words (what does propriater mean, seriously?)

-Saying 'Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville' at every opportunity.

-Being Johnny Knoxville

-Finger counting

-Molecule observation (they might shift, causing complete molecular breakdown!)

-Lemon mashing (try it, its surprisingly funny)

-Drawer testing

-Staring into the abyss (Yes, its fun but what does it actually DO?)

-Console gaming (not fun and utterly useless. Try company of heroes instead. Don't get me started on the nintendo Wii!!!)

-Soil eating

-Random e-mail provider browsing (the truth is out there)

-Laundry observation (round and round...)

-Watching your virus scanner scan continuously (invite the family!)

-Robe testing (nanananananana ROBE MAN!)

-Carpet flattening

-Watching animal planet (Not really recommended)


There, a comprehensible list that should help you get through the rest of this week. With any luck you'l enjoy this and with some more luck Frank won't cave my head in. That would rule. I kinda need my head to live and stuff.


Doing useless stuff rules!


Back to the world of rules and sucks

Well, this was a useless update... wasn't it?