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The Armagedrunk

Something alarming happened to me a few nights ago. Something that led me to form my own theory on a particular process in human evolution. Its a theory I don't particularly like but it seems inescapable. It will probably make you feel uncomfortable, make you doubt everything you think to be certain of.

Read at your own mental peril.

It began at the end of the workday on Thursday. After a workday of 8 hours that lasts till 22.00 everyone is usually happy to go home and go about their merry business. Not at my workplace. We're such a happy bunch that we usually spend another hour drinking beer over there and then head for a bar to get on with more assorted drunken business. That is the way of things. It was especially so because it was someone's birthday and he promised to stock everyone with free beer for at least an hour (this person was Geert who you may remember from being the greatest philosopher ever known). Everyone would jump at such a chance, unless you're a women, a eunuch or you spend your days drinking rose wine. I figured it was assured that everyone would tag along and we'd add some more embarrassing photo's to the already extensive embarrassing picture archive of cafe t' Irmootje (this cafe already has the biggest collection of photo's of me doing extremely stupid things)

I was wrong.

Someone, who shall remain nameless, informed me he didn't feel like it and would rather go home. I asked for a reason but there was none. He didn't have to get up early, he had no exams, no things to do. He just didn't feel like it.

 And this is him. The man on the left. He has ironically chosen to surround himself with beer here, probably to rub it in.

Most people would leave it at that. For most people its possible to just accept that maybe that guy has a bad day and just wanted to go home.

Those people are idiots!

Something else is going on here. Something sinister and inexplicable. I call it the


The Armagedrunk is something that every man probably has to face at some point in his life. It is the point that he realizes that he doesn't like beer or other alcohol all that much anymore and decides to drink less, or stops altogether.

I know this sounds incredulous. Most of us are ravening drunkards right now and the newspapers are full with articles about how alcohol abuse among the youth is booming. Things are as they should be, you might think. Alcohol problems have haunted society for as long as there is a society. Its a part of who we are.

However, even the biggest drunkards can turn to permanent sobriety if they are not careful! I need just look at my own family and see this is true.

My father once drank his own body weight in strong liquor. One uncle once drank so much that his stomach ulcer disappeared and I remember several nephews drinking so much they started tossing bowling balls at the ceiling to see if they could hit that annoying disco ball that was rotating there. Another uncle managed to get thrown out of the bar every week because of his rampant alcoholism.  

They all stopped drinking after they had children.

Jezus Christ, do you have any idea of the ramifications here? Does this mean that we all turn into boring irritating family slobs at some point? Are we destined to lose all friends and wonder the earth with just our family, without a drink, save one at dinner if the wife lets you? IF THE WIFE LETS YOU??

The horror just overwhelms me! How can any man live in such a sheltered life, knowing that the days where he had the most fun are already behind him?


We must all face the Armagedrunk at some time I fear. The question is, how will you handle it?


The Armagedrunk sucks!



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