What's this about?

The Dutch articles




























































































































































































































































Something to say?



The 8 most awesome movies ever to get out of Hollywood

Some movies are best left forgotten. Some movies provide adequate entertainment for an evening and some movies just burn themselves onto your subconscious mind for life.

These are the movies that will most likely be in my subconscious, for various reasons but mostly because they're just plain awesome.


8. The Matrix

I have moved to the point where I can almost say I'm over my disappointment at the matrix reloaded and its demented sister film the matrix revolutions. It still boggles the mind how a masterpiece of filmmaking like the Matrix can be followed by those two epic heaps of crap.

But lets not think about that. The Matrix was a good movie. It had the most original idea in recent movie history, it had freakishly cool action scenes, a cast of cool actors and what must be an absolute genius for a director as Keanu Reaves doesn't look like a drooling moron for once. Holy crap!

However, what really made this movie awesome is of course

No one who ever saw the matrix could possibly forget agent Smith who is so ball flatteningly cool that he simply cannot contain it all and oozes some of the coolness onto the other actors. He's creepy as hell, has some of the best lines in the movie and delivers them like a one man super charged twin turbo engine of awesome.

Taken across the entire trilogy the matrix actually meets every single demand of the MI table making it one of the very few movies to do so but since the last 2 movies are such epic clusterfucks that I don't want to be associated with them I'm not letting them count. The Matrix on its own is brilliant enough to score 4 MI's and the only thing that could change my mind on that is when they make a short YouTube movie showing the 'Architect' getting shot in the face. Gods, that dude annoyed me.


7. Transformers: the movie

Transformers might well be the best movie coming from the 80's. And if that opening line confuses, I'm not referring to the Michael Bay movie but to the original from 1986 when Transformers were still animated and Optimus Prime still had qualms about sticking a sword in a decepticon's head. (I knew he was the enemy but damn, that was brutal!)

Anyway, pretty much everything about the original movie rules. The enemy is a planet eating monster with the voice of movie making legend Orson Wells (who hated the last movie he would ever contribute to. Irony is a bitch) The heroes are giant robots and the other enemies are more giant robots and giant robotic insects and giant robots who can change faces. I mean, what's NOT to like about this movie??

And if  giant planet eating robots aren't enough to keep the blood pumping, in an act of unspeakable terror that scarred every child for life they let Optimus Prime die. Horribly.

And then, there's the movie poster that just blew the collective minds of audiences everywhere. Giant robots firing at a planet eating monster. Words just seem inadequate.

6. Army of Darkness

Jezus Nutcracking Christ. Just thinking about this movie makes me want to watch it again. The sheer amount of fun this movie emits makes my optic nerves shrivel. This was a movie like they'll not lightly make again seeing as the time for mindless undead fighting seems to be over and time of dreary heavy survival stories combined with a little CGI vampire fighting has come. Thank you very much Will Smith for ruining the genre for all of us!

Anyhow, Army of darkness is one of the good oldies from Sam Raimi who we may remember from utterly ruining Spiderman 3 after he had produced a brilliant Spiderman 2. Hey, you get remembered for your last movie and dude, did it suck. Raimi was working with one man engine of cool, Bruce Campbell, and they had already made Evil dead 1 and 2. Both cult classics and both very much works of genius. For their next trick, they wanted to go so far over the top it would be uncharted territory. I could imagine the creative design team just shouting things at each other they want in the movie with Raimi and Campbell just sitting around, stoned like monkeys and saying things like 'sure dude, we'll  put all that in.'



"hand eating books!"

"Mini versions of Ash!"

"Evil Ash!"

"Medieval knights fighting skeletons!"

"1966 oldsmobile converted to fight skeletons!"

"King Arthur!"


" saying: "Swallow your soul" at least 200 times!"

"Supermarket gun battle... with zombies!"

The final script must have been such a tome of collected madness that Raimi kept it under lock and key for fear it would come to life and start eating people. Still, he did make the film.

The end result of this unholy undertaking is so filled to the brim with cool one liners, mind boggling violence and Bruce Campbell doing cool stuff that it almost bursts. Unbelievable.

5. Aliens

The previous entries have been so filled with superlatives that you must now be wondering 'when will we see the first 5 MI review?'. Either that or 'why am I still reading this tripe?'

Either way, you're right. I made the MI table so that its incredibly hard if not impossible to get 5 MI's. Most movies fail to get both giant robots and giant insects.

Aliens did. This movie, by James Cameron who will forever live in shame for ever making Titanic was a great fan of the original Alien movie of Ridley Scott and he decided he could do better. Well, maybe not necessarily better but more violent. A lot more violent.

The end result is basically the Vietnam war in space. With aliens. Craploads of aliens. And due to the historic madness of HR Geiger we got to see some of the creepiest aliens ever devised for the big screen.

Just to remind you:

Son of a bitch, those things scared me. Those snapping tongues coming out of their mouths scared me and the sounds they made forced me to hide under the couch. I always tried to imagine the fun the actors wearing the alien suits must have had on the set, scaring the coffee ladies and running after them shouting 'raaaargh!' and then dropping dead of heart failure because each suit must have weighed a ton.

In a super awesome turn of events that made the first movie look like Sesame street an entire commando team takes the fight to the aliens and spends the better part of the movie blasting them. The end battle of Ripley in her loading robot versus the alien queen is single handedly the reason I made robots and bugs separate categories as I knew it would be nigh impossible to put them both in a movie. The laws of physics simply don't permit this kind of awesome to exist more then once every decade.

4. Independence day

I loved this movie and I might as well admit it straight away. I wasn't bothered a bit by the overbearing American patriotism they put in and downright loved it. There you have it. I'm not ashamed.

First of all:

The initial 'blow stuff up' scenes feature the white house exploding in a spectacular show of coolness. This is so flaming awesome that it makes me wonder why Roland Emmerich is the only one destroying American cities in his movies with any sort of regularity. Come on, people. You can't tell me you don't think its cool to see the white house getting blown up.

For those who didn't love this film, you're over complicating things. Basically its a movie about aliens coming to blast us into oblivion and we fight back and kill them all. Sure, there are gaping plot holes. Sure, there's an awful lot of American flag waving. Sure, they way they defeat the aliens seems a little fat fetched. Who cares? Aliens! Cool aerial battles! Will Smith punching out an alien! Data from Star Trek getting killed by a tentacled alien!

Right, that final one may have to do with my raving dislike for Data, but that's another story. Whoever doesn't like this movie might be better off watching a documentary about snakes or crocodiles before finishing his book about erosion because he's either boring or has a tendency to not see the part side of life. Perhaps both. Or maybe your fun is solely to be found in the misery of others.

Either way, this movie rules. 4 MI's.

And remember:



3. Godzilla

Giant monster eats New York.


2. Transformers

The movie I loved to love. I was never more ready to love a movie then I was for this one. It couldn't be bad. It couldn't possibly disappoint.

And luckily it didn't. Sure, there were a few minor issues with it. To many human chat scenes, to many lame gags and to many unnecessary characters nobody cared about and sure, Michael Bay has some sort of creepy fetish with the US army but did it all really matter? People who start complaining about that miss the big picture.

Giant robots beating the crap out of each other. And boy, there was plenty of that. Once I saw Optimus Prime duking it out with Megatron there was no way this movie could ever be bad. Ever.

And people, Soundwave will be in the next one.


1. Starship troopers

Uhm. Where to begin? Its odd I've never done a review of Starship troopers as its easily my favorite film from the 90's and every decade before and after.

Well, first of all, its made by an insane Dutch director who made a name for himself with his insanely violent movies Robocop and Total Recall. This man was Paul Verhoeven and even the Americans had to admit this was one totally fucked up mad scientist of a director. His unique style of making movies, combining the ever popular virtues of full frontal nudity and extreme arm wrenching violence made such an impact it left the audience both awed and nauseous. A rare quality indeed.

Who could ever forget this classic piece of Verhoeven insanity?

Yes, count them.



Then, after he figured he couldn't possibly put more boobies on women in his movies or the minds of his audiences would explode he decided he wanted to make a movie about an interstellar war between humans and giant insects. For Verhoeven, this was just another day at work.

Then, he casted Michael Ironside to play a badass lieutenant who was going to deliver high powered bug kicking justice. Oh, and Casper van Dien and some other people were in it as well.

The final result is so mind blowingly violent that even I experienced momentary lapses in sanity. In the opening scene alone a dude gets bitten in half and three dozen more people get brutally slaughtered by bug claws. This wasn't just a movie. It was a church mass, celebrating the glory that is hand to hand combat, with giant screeching bugs!


Random badass Michael Ironside Quote:

"If you don't do your job, I'll shoot you myself."



In classic Verhoeven film tricks I like to call 'the laws of Paul' we see short news flashes telling us what's going on in between the violence on the ground, Michael Ironside saying badass things to everyone and even a mixed shower scene for the troopers where there's boobs everywhere. Seriously, either Verhoeven is a complete sexually frustrated lunatic with a license to make movies, or his over powered libido just doesn't allow him to be away from visual boobs for any long period of time.

I could spend 300 more words telling you how violent and awesome the battle scenes of Starship troopers are but none of them would do it any justice. So instead, you can watch this trailer, where the sound of 300 meets the images of Starship troopers. Some of the most violent and awesome movies ever made, in perfect unison.


What else could possibly be said?



300 starship troopers trailer by Rrinman


Back to the world of sucks and rules