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John Rambo

I saw this movie 2 weeks ago and all this time I've been thinking about how I actually feel about it. This is probably the hardest movie I've ever wrote a review about.

You see, on one side we got the plot with so many holes in it it might as well not have been there. We have the annoying Christian missionaries, the enemy soldiers who are so damn sadistic it borders on the ridiculous and the boss of the badguys who, besides destroying innocent villages, fills his time with being a blatant homosexual pedophile. Yes, no doubt he's the badguy all right. Only thing missing is a twirly moustache and a giant size dildo to smack the hero with.

On the other side, we have John Rambo himself. Many might not agree with me but I thought the first Rambo movie was actually pretty damn good. It painted a perfect cynical picture of a Vietnam veteran who got home and didn't get the homecoming party he expected. Also, the movie contained some very awesome scenes with Rambo ambushing one man after the other and even facing off against a couple of guard dogs and winning. He's one of the best action heroes of our time.

So, what wins? Cool stuff or stupid stuff?

Almost every actor in the movie annoyed me. Even when a pack of English accented mercenaries come to kill people all I got was annoyed. The storyline is just to stupid, the enemy's attempts to be evil just to transparent and if I ever see another Christian missionary in a movie again I'll stab the person next to me with anything I happen to have on me. This movie was doomed from the very start.

But then, right at the end things change. They go from overbearingly serious and depressing to 'holy crap, everyone is taking to random weapons fire" And I'm not exaggerating either. Rambo is having his great showoff with the enemy Birmese soldiers and has found the biggest gun on the field. Then, as he starts gunning down people rebel soldiers (who we didn't knew existed) show up to add their fire against the enemy. Then, truckloads of Birmese arrive to start shooting. Then, the rebels bring up bigass mortars and start blasting people apart. Then, the Birmese bring in a gunboat which, for some reason, is armed with a short range flamethrower, then the rebels bring in more people. There's shooting. More shooting. People dying. Ratatatatata. More shooting.Then, it ends. Rambo has apparently won and spends a minute or so staring over the field with his knife in hand.

It may have been random and it may not have made a lick of sense, but I'll be DAMNED if it wasn't cool.

So, all added up its not the best movie of the year but heck, it wasn't the worst either.



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