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Starship troopers, again

I get riled up when someone talks bad about Starship troopers which is still my favorite sci fi battle movie ever (at least until terminator salvation proves to be awesome enough to take over) and so a recent Cracked.com article sorta pissed me off.

"Who can watch the good guys in Starship Troopers standing 10 feet away from the bugs, shooting at them ineffectually with rifles and not think of how the current U.S. Air Force would have just bombed the bugs out of existence in one afternoon?"

I have seen Starship troopers 43 times. I have collected the Starship troopers miniatures game obsessively until it went bust. I have read every book that concerns Starship troopers and I have even seen the dreadful part 2 and the not quite as dreadful but still vastly inferior to the original part 3. If you are ever gonna trust me with anything, do it on the subject of Starship troopers.

And now I will vent my anger at cracked.com by saying why they're wrong by a series of rude questions that seemed to develop into a personality of its own as this article was written.


Why the fuck wasn't Klendathu bombed out of existence you obsessive dispshit?

Simply saying 'why didn't they bomb the bugs' is totally wrong. They did. Its clearly stated in both the books and the movie that the fleet has bombed the crap out of Klendathu before the invasion began. Also, there's this scene that everyone always seems to forget in arguments like this:

This directly followed the Klendathu invasion and showed the Sky Marshall's  intent to bomb planets they were taking from the bugs even more fucking thoroughly then they had before. And in part 3 it is even stated that they will simply destroy whole planets and reduce them to space debris if the bugs cannot be dislodged. Bombing is clearly an important strategy.


Then why aren't the bugs all dead mr smartass?

Good question. While its not as obvious as in Heinlein's original book, the main strength of the bugs lies in tunneling. Seriously, the things tunnel through a planet quicker then a platoon of starved Vietnamese. Its also likely that their food source is underground and that the things only come to the surface to kill intruders. They know the humans kill them with bombs if they needlessly come to the surface and so they dig deep. In 'the Klendathu invasion' by Mongoose publishing its stated that the fleet couldn't detect any bug life forms for hundreds of meters under the surface and so they figured the main bulk of bugs had died in their barrage and the sky marshall orders the invasion. Its testament to the bugs sheer awesomeness that they fool the human sensors and ambush the entire invasion force.

After this disaster, bombing is deemed unreliable and forces on the ground get a prime directive to 'nuke all bugholes'. This is also in the first film, probably because it looks fucking spectacular.


Why are the humans using such ineffective weapons, you empty headed fanboy?

They're not.

This is seconds before a couple of missiles totally obliterate a pair of enormously huge plasma bugs. They were fired by basic infantry.

Also, the guns of the basic riflemen are actually pretty goddamn effective throughout the movie and anyone who disagrees simply hasn't watched carefully enough. Ok, so private dipshit Shujimi kinda ruined it for his platoon in the Klendathu invasion but he was killed quickly enough.  The end of the film has just 4 troopers holding off a veritable army as the bug corpses pile up into what might resemble a bug orgy if they weren't all riddled with freaking holes. They even scare off a brain bug which is creepy seeing as we learn in the last movie that the brain can actually Darth Vader them to death. WITH HIS MIND!! NN NNN NNN NN!!!!

Not effective? From what universe are you? We have tons of bugs blown away in displays of firepower that would impress Timmy the fire ball throwing enchanter.  We have Rico blasting through a Tank Bug carapace in a move so ball flatteningly awesome that even Michael Ironside looks freaking impressed.


Then why is the war such a disaster for the humans, you smart mouth minion of sci-fi Satan?

The bugs are really fucking smart. This fact cannot be stretched enough. The things have had a longer evolution then us, they learn from past mistakes and even took the trouble to 'interrogate' human prisoners by sucking their brains. They know us. This is why Starship troopers is probably my favorite scifi franchise. The bugs are powerful, smart and overwhelming and they don't even use unbeatable energy shields like some other unmentionable franchise that needs to die.


Are you going to start another rant on war of the worlds, you pathetically autistic lunatic?

No, I'm not.  I hope.


I'm not convinced, fact pushing asshole

I'm getting really tired of your stupidity, insulting titles I made up for no particular reason! But in order to shit you up I'm gonna show some more screenshots as I've taken this chance to watch Starship troopers again. Be convinced or get the fuck out of my mind.

Rico blasting a Tank bug from its back. Certainly one of the more realistic scenes.


A platoon of troopers reducing a bug swarm to a pile of really icky stuff.


A single platoon holds a fort for a long time and almost everyone gets away.


And a picture of Denise Richards because, hell, every article should have a picture of Denise Richards in it.

So, Cracked.com. I hope I made myself clear on why you're wrong. They bombed and they had the weapons but the bugs outsmarted and out maneuvered  them.

War at its finest, kids.


Starship troopers still rules!


Back to the world of sucks and rules