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I was in a theatre with 25 complete idiots who all got there with a discount  to watch Startrek. I have never felt more like a nerd in my entire life. I had smuggled in a bag of popcorn because the particular theatre I went to is run by fascist bastards who don't allow popcorn. I defeated fascism once again.

Fascism: 0

Me: 2

Yeah, suck on that fascism! Its fucking unbelievable to see how they still outlaw popcorn in 2009. Its the food of choice for everyone! Its better then nacho's. Its better then fucking blocks of cheese and its sure as hell better then M&M's. M&M's are the sign of evil. if you eat M& fucking M's you support fascism! Do you support fascism? Then don't eat M&M!

Anyway, there was a movie somewhere between my fight against the popcorn fascists as well. Startrek. I'm pretty sure there there has already been a movie with that title but hey, this is 2009. People probably don't remember.

I was with nerds and so it was hard to escape the enthusiasm when we came out. I was with the good kind of nerds who scream at everything, are secretly 31 already (what the fuck??) and enjoy everything. Also, I was with Robert, who is probably the only person who has ever won an argument with me over movies using my own goddamn system of judgment. Also, I've known the dude for years and this is still the only picture I have of him that is not blurry:

Not so stealthy now, are you?

But anyway, Startrek. I have to admit that I had my doubts. The people in the trailer look awfully young and incapable of running a Starship. Also, the story was kinda undetermined. But the first minutes already blew away my doubt. JJ Abrams is the kind of director who destroys doubt with a single scene of ball crunching awesomeness. A starship being destroyed by a bigger starship. Its the kind of stuff we want to see. yeah, yeah character development and storyline. You get to do your stuff next. First, let us watch the brilliant violence in space.

On to character development then. With most movies I find this rather important as the main character is someone you need to identify with. Not this one. This is James motherfucking Kirk. He was banging weird space chicks since before any of us were born or, in some cases, old. He doesn't need character development as he is and will always be, awesome. The movie makes this very clear from the beginning as we see a teenage Kirk steal a car and run it into the very nearest fucking canyon while the cops are watching. Madness? This is Kirk!!

With Kirk's awesomeness suitably established there is an actual storyline to consider. Thousands of trekkies around the world eagerly awaited the story and I'm glad to say they were probably disappointed. The story was fun and quick and not at all weird enough to be a regular trek storyline. Ok, there was timetravel involved but then, there is also time travel in Terminator: salvation (coming in 2 weeks from now) and nobody will ask weird questions over that. The story was good. There were nice twists and the Enterprise saved everyone's bacon at the final possible moment.

The casting was unbelievable. Every old favorite was back. From Scotsman Montgomery Scott to Spcok. Everyone rules. In fact, I have added three new names to the list of awesome actors just to earn this movie an extra MI. The only problem I can find is that the villain wasn't actually as badass as I'd hoped. For part 2 (and please God, let there be a part 2) I hope there will be a better villain. One with machine parts. And laser eyes. I think we know what I mean, right?

So, it all comes down to a simple calculation:

-Giant insect (sort of)

-Giant motherfreaking spaceships

-People getting sucked into vacuum qualifies as horrible death

-Lots of space fighting and Kirk beating Romulans up.

-Green practically naked woman and undressing black woman in single shot. grrrgahaaajjaaajhj. Uhm, sorry.

-A story that was suitably good for the purposes of giving Kirk as much time as possible to be badass.

-Good representation of human race. Yes, okay a lot of them die but they gave a hell of a fight. Damn Romulans.

-Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto and Simon Pegg have been added to my list of cool actors. An achievement if ever there was one.

All in all:

Holy hell. And Terminator: salvation is yet to come. Its going to be a good movie season.


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