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Mail me at:

dutchman@sucksornot.info

 


Sick

Updated twice a week. Pff, that seems like a distant freaking memory. A pleasant one though. One that reminds me of a better time when I wasnít flooded with work given to me by interesting people who want me to do uninteresting stuff at uninteresting times for uninteresting money with which I can buy interesting stuff. Crap. Economy gets me again!

 Luckily I had some experiences that managed to offshoot the drudgery for a while. It began on a Monday evening. I was doing my usual bike marathon through pouring rain while carrying a rental DVD under one arm, a bag of sporting stuff on my back and a mouth full of curse words so colorful theyíre illegal in Belgium. After the seasonal downpour that landed squarely on my head I proceeded to kick everyoneís ass on the badminton court for 2 hours and then I rode home again through the same godfucking downpour which had stopped for 2 hours only to begin again when I was passing through it. Weather hates me just like anything else on this planet. Still alive, bitches!

I'm so motherfreaking happy I don't live in a tornado country

Anyhow, as odd as it sounded to me at the time all this exercise, biking through pouring rain and shouting to noone in particular when its cold is apparently bad for your health. Sure, why not? Coffee is bad for your health, smoking is bad for your health, driving an automatic car is bad for your health and so is every other thing that could remotely be considered a human activity. It all grinds our bones to dust and our minds to pulp. Its all bad!!

 Damnit, I need to focus. For just a minuteÖ Anyway, I got sick the next day. For the first time since years I called in sick and I have never done that lightly. Being sick is for other people. Weaker people. People with natural tendencies to get sick and whine about it for days on end. People who feel that even their painful feet are a reason to call in sick. People who feel itís a good fucking idea to take a cocktail of painkillers every day and still function like human beings without ludicrously big smiles on their depression ridden feces. Hehe, I said feces instead of faces.

Get it? Get it? 

I donít make a good patient. I canít stand being in bed longer then my proscribed 7 hours. I donít do long sleeping on Sundays. When I get drunk and crawl home at 4 AM I still get out of bed at 11 because Iím BORED. Being sick to me is being condemned to a terrifyingly slow day of doing nothing but wallow in my own goddamn awfulness. Even watching DVDís loses its appeal after a while.

 Luckily there are the fever dreams. The human body is perfectly capable of terrifying itself with one of these babies. The average human dream becomes 10 times more awesome and horrifying when its ridden with fever and the brain works overtime to make sense of all the conflicting things it wants to put in there. My most awesome fever dream featured Warhammer orks, Airwolf, a very scary looking Barack Obama and it all looked like it had been drawn by a 5 year old using MS paint.

 

Even with big euebrows Obama still doesn't look angry. He defies MS paint!

At a time when youíre sick you get all sorts of advice from the non sick people. I usually dispense advice along the lines of : ĎYouíre weak and need to get off my planet!í but other pieces of advice that get thrown around lack this delicate touch of fascism, which is good, I suppose. Luckily I counted among my friends one idiot in particular who figured itís a good idea to just beef yourself up with painkillers. This might work especially well if you never use painkillers at all because you think theyíre for pansies. And perhaps it was the fever talking or the distinct lack of alcohol I had been suffering but I figured he had a point. Yeah it must have been the fever because this is what the guy looks like when heís not beefed up on painkillers:

 

 

 

But then again, maybe he is. I never  can tell when heís high on the things and when not. Oh and crap, I should stop using pictures where people appear fully recognizable.

 

 

 Painkillers for me did seriously weird things. For one I had to forgo on sleeping almost altogether as they kept me awake and when I did sleep the awesomeness of the fever dreams were replaced with the dull drudgery of blackness. Booooring.

Not wanting to go on like that forever I told sickness to stuff it after 2 days and went back to school. Everyone I met said I looked god awful (nothing out of the ordinary there) and I started yelling at students again. Yeah sickness. Suck on that! And leave me the fuck alone for the next 5 years.

 

Being sick still sucks!

 

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