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New year resolutions

It took me an entire week and then almost another week to decide what the hell my new year resolution would be. For a while I took this shit seriously. If I'm to succeed at anything I attempt this year (unlike last year, which sucked) I have to do some planning at the very least. And after that ludicrous amount of time what do I have to show for it?

I can't do it. There's so much that needs to get done, so much that needs to be achieved this year that its simply not possible to put it all together in one resolution. Add to that my conception that new year's resolutions suck balls and are actually for retardedly stupid people who will fail miserably anyway and you can see why I'm having issues. So then, what should 2009 at the very least bring for me and people who think in broadly the same lines as me?


Be a nicer person

Oddly, nobody ever points this out to me but I am actually quite a selfish and at times obnoxious person. I'm told that it takes real strength of personality and character to admit to something like this but whoever said that was a moron. Just take the bloody time to observe your own behaviour for longer then three seconds and you'll realize that you're annoying and self centred as well. Ever took the time to actually listen to someone? Always find yourself blabbering on about how boring your job is and how badly you want another one. Ever saw the other guy sag in his chair at your god awfull boringness?  

Also, fuck meetings!

Well, I do know myself and I annoy the crap out of me. For 2009 I'm going to try to be less self centred. And I will fail at this because people don't change.


Be less obsessed with weight

Its the modern curse of the western decadent society: weight. We're so totally obsessed by it that it takes our mind off things that might actually matter to someone. Like talking about something else then bloody weight. That would be nice. Talk about something else then how much of a fat disgusting person you are how much you wallow in self pity about it. Just eat the goddamn sack of fries or the half lamb or the bag of chips. Nobody cares anyway.

This is not you, nor will it ever be. Be thankful for that...

So for 2009 I will venture to be less obsessed with weight myself and I pray to whatever god or gods are out there (please let it not be the Christian one) that other people do the same. Oh also, I need to go to the gym more.


Start smoking

For years we have watched the smokers and observed their uphill struggle against an increasingly hostile society. These people are the new lepers. The new gulag inhabitants, the new second class citizens. They deserve our support now more then the fascist dictatorial anti-smoking lobby that has taken over all power and has started deporting people seemingly at random. The anti smokers have become the nazi's, the Joseph Stalins, the Idi Amins and they must be stopped.

Make me, fascist!

Now, the poor state of my airways actually prevents me from taking up active smoking because it might kill me. And not the fun kind of killing either like Duke Nukem or Half life 2 where you get shot in the face with rocket launchers or comically animated flame throwers. No, instead actual smoking might lead to a lengthy death as I get no air in my lungs. We kinda need that stuff. I may have to pass on this idea.


Play Starcraft 2

Yeah, its bloody time.

I hereby vow that if Starcraft 2 hits the stores I will play it until my eyes bleed or until my computer shuts down (which is probably after the first hour or so). I have been anticipating this game ever since the Starcraft Brood war end cinematic made its way into my brain in 1998 where it has stuck ever since. It has never left me. Not removed by the massive amounts of alcohol I have since then flushed my brain with. Not removed by any of the dozens of historical books I have read since. Not removed by any of the video games I have played since. I want this new game so bad the desire is physically manifesting itself as each time someone mentions it I get a tick. Get me Starcraft 2 already! 10 years is long enough! Any longer and we might get Indiana Jones levels of anticipation and we all know where that will lead to.......


Shia Lebouf must be stopped before he does more damage!


With my full sense at hand and a large portion of cynicism and realism close by I can say that 2009 will not be any different from any year that came before. I both hope and dread this. At any rate,


New year resolutions suck!


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